


Starry Night

by neilwantstodd



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Fluff, Kisses, M/M, honestly it's just plotless fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 04:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9418085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neilwantstodd/pseuds/neilwantstodd
Summary: It wasn’t the first time he went outside during the night. It was something he had been doing for a while. Sometimes he felt the need to sneak away from all the stress he suffered. It wasn’t hard. He waited for Neil to fall asleep and then he would leave the room. He felt his boyfriend cared too much for him and didn’t want the boy to get worried.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to thank u tat for all your help. Love you, gurl. We all need somene like you in our lives.

There wasn’t a single light on. Only the moonlight was lighting up Welton’s field and Todd walked on it until he could spot a place where the grass wasn’t too wet. When he found it on the top of a small slope, he sat down and stretched his legs.

 

It wasn’t the first time he went outside during the night. It was something he had been doing for a while. Sometimes he felt the need to sneak away from all the stress he suffered. It wasn’t hard. He waited for Neil to fall asleep and then he would leave the room. He felt his boyfriend cared too much for him and didn’t want the boy to get worried.

 

Todd closed his eyes and breathed in the essence of wet grass while cricket sounds invaded his ears. The cool breezes caressing softly his skin and the starry sky were somehow relaxing for him. It was a bit cold though. 

 

He had discovered that everything seemed familiar there and he knew why. It reminded him of his childhood or, at least, part of it. Something was still missing. It didn’t feel the same as it used to feel when he was a kid. Todd also knew the why to that too and always made him feel a bit sad... He was alone in the quietness of the place.

 

When he was little, he used to go out at night with Jeff. They were told not to stay up late and go to sleep at eight o’clock. That’s why they waited for their parents to fall asleep -around half past eleven- and sneak out of their beds in silence to the backyard. It was midnight the best time for gazing at the stars. 

 

Todd remembered his brother’s smile and he couldn’t help smiling too. They were so happy back then. He didn’t mind that much if his parents appreciated Jeff more than him and he didn’t have to worry about high school. They used to stay late counting the countless stars, playing by finding different figures in them and Jeff always would make up a different story every night until sleep overcame Todd. The older sibling would carry his brother to bed on his back.  He hated the way things had changed.

 

The boy was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t hear the footsteps in the distance. It was when they were closer that he noticed and tensed. Todd held his breath and started to sweat. The rules said that it was  forbidden for Welton’s students to leave their rooms during the night. It was the first time he was going to be caught. It had never happened to him before with the boys for the dead poets meetings. Todd felt his heart pounding in his chest and sat stiff. He had no idea what was awaiting him.

 

Suddenly, he felt something warm and soft over his shoulders. It was a cotton blanket.

 

“If you are going out, at least you should take something to cover you up. It’s freezing here. Don’t you feel cold?” said a very familiar voice that smiled and sat by Todd’s side.

 

Neil Perry. Todd left out the breath he had been holding. 

 

“Just a bit. You scared me” Todd faked a smile. “What are you doing here?” 

 

“Oh, well, I don’t know. Something woke me up and then I noticed you weren’t there. Took the blanket and looked for you.” Neil said and looked at Todd. “So, the real question is, what are  _ you _ doing here?” 

 

He hesitated. “Not much. Almost nothing, I guess.”

 

Neil frowned, but then sighed. “You know you can tell me everything, right?” His roommate paused. “I know that you have been doing this for a while and didn’t want to interrupt -because I thought that you may need some space-, but still I am worried about you and I can see there has been something wrong with you lately.”

 

“What do you mean?” Todd bit his lip.

 

Neil didn’t answer immediately, but the brunette slowly reached for his hand and touched the back of it softly, making him feel less anxious. Todd looked at him in the eyes and felt all warm inside. He loved the way Neil could soothe him with just a touch. 

 

“I feel that you have been isolating yourself. I know you are a shy person, but never around the boys or at least not anymore. They are worried about you too” his boyfriend said softly.

 

Their bodies were too close to each other and Todd could almost feel his roommate. He looked away from Neil’s eyes. Their hands were still in touch.

 

“I know and thank you... but I don’t want to overwhelm you, nor the boys. It really has nothing to do with them” he frowned. He didn’t know what he expected from Neil, but it certainly wasn’t his laugh. The boy blushed in embarrassment. 

 

“You don’t overwhelm me. You never do” Neil paused, a smile still on his face. “I love you.” 

 

Todd grinned and looked at him. "I love you too.” 

 

A small wind rose and Todd offered to share the blanket. The brunet nodded and moments later they were both under it. He rested his head on Neil’s shoulder, who had reached for his hair and started playing with it, stroking it softly. Meanwhile, he took his time to answer his roommate’s unspoken question which was still hanging in the air. It was gonna be hard to say it and he didn’t want to be imprecise. He knew it was gonna hurt so he took a deep breath.

 

“Well, I guess I am just stressed... and I don’t think it’s only for school” he paused. “It scares me what my parents would think about us. I know it won’t be good. They already don’t…” he stopped, a pang of sadness hit him inside, “care about me. They like my brother better, and I feel that telling them about us is just gonna make them despise me. Turn their nonchalance into hate... But that’s not only it.”

 

A small silence hung between them before Todd continued. He didn’t want to cry, though he did felt at the edge of doing that. He took a deep breath.

 

“I care more about my brother. He is the one I have always looked up to. The only one in my childhood who made me feel that I was loved, that I mattered to someone.” At this point, his voice had gone weaker and he felt as if he was about to break but he took strength and only let out a small sob. “I miss him so much, but what if he hates me too? I don’t know what he thinks about this in general and I am scared. I don’t want him to despise me too. That would be just too much.”

 

Neil was still touching his hair, but a bit slowly and hesitantly this time. He couldn’t see the brunette face, but he imagined it and it hurt him. He hadn’t mean to upset Neil with all his thoughts. That’s what he also needed to say. It was a part of all this mental struggle inside him.

 

“But the person I care most about is you.” Neil suddenly stopped caressing his hair. “Because when I am with you or when you smile at me, suddenly everything is fine. I forget all this and I am happy again, but still, deep inside, I am still aware. That someday I’ll have to face it and also come to terms with it” he sobbed. His vision was blurry and found it hard to keep going with his voice like that, but Todd still tried, “I-I know I have yours and the rest of the boys’s support; and I am thankful for that. However, I really don’t want to sound annoying with all this trouble, but at the same time I feel bad for not doing that. I love you all so much and I am so sorry-”

 

He was cut off by Neil cupping his face and looking at him. He could see that his boyfriend’s face changed from a concerned look to a smile with watery eyes in a second while his fingers wiped the sandy haired boy’s tears off. His touch was gentle and warm. Todd kind of expected that coming from Neil. Once he was done with getting rid of his tears, they stared at each other for a brief moment.

 

The brunette leant forward with his eyes half-lidded towards the sandy haired boy’s face and kissed his forehead carefully as if he didn’t want to break him. Then his mouth went down to his cheek, smooching it and smoothly went for the other, kissing the point of his nose in his stride. 

 

Todd had closed his eyes and felt calmer with every touch of Neil’s lips on his face. His whole body had loosened up and while sadness wasn’t gone at all, at least his heart wasn’t aching anymore. When he felt his boyfriend pulling away, Todd opened his eyes and tilted his head. He didn't expect him to stop. He wanted to keep feeling that comforting touch that only Neil could give him, so he just leant forward to make his mouth press against his. He felt the brunette smiling under his lips which just got wetter as they glided over each other gently. 

 

This is what he had meant when he told Neil how he felt around him earlier. Every moment they spent together made every problem seem smaller. All the worries would just fade away with just an effortless blow of the wind. He just couldn’t think.

 

They separated and looked into each other’s eyes smiling and Neil finally pulled himself forward for a hug.

 

His boyfriend whispered to his ear, “You are not your brother. You are Todd Anderson. One of the most adorable and shyest boy I’ve ever met. You are also smart and you can make art through the beauty of your words. Don’t you know how wonderful that is? No. Don’t you know how wonderful  _ you _ are?” he snickered and Todd couldn’t help smiling. “I am really proud of you. I am proud of being your roommate and also part of your life. I’ve never been this happy when I am with anybody else and sincerely you are amazing just the way you are. The guys love you too and will always be there for you. Please, don’t be so hard on yourself” Neil stroked his sandy hair.

 

Todd felt better and pulled himself away from him. He looked into his eyes and caressed his face. Neil’s smile grew under his touch. “Thank you” he said as he planted a kiss on his cheek. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too.” Neil pressed his mouth against his, sending warm shivers through Todd’s body,  making the smaller boy kiss him back. The brunette boy wrapped his arms around his waist, bringing their bodies closer and blue eyes went wide as gasped a bit in surprise, letting his boyfriend in. 

 

It wasn’t the first time they have used tongues, but Neil could take him by surprise sometimes. He loved it, though. Their wet tongues played together, exploring each other’s mouth. Sometimes Todd could feel a tickly sensation but there was where he knew he needed to pull away, besides they needed air. Neil looked at him puzzled but the sandy haired boy just planted a wet and simple kiss on his lips and the brunette smiled. He wasn’t ready for that yet. 

 

They both lied together on the blanket facing the sky and holding hands. A silence hung in the air between them until Neil broke it.

 

“You know?” Todd looked at him slightly tired. “I don’t think your brother will hate you. I am sure he loves you... and seems like a nice guy to me.”

 

The smaller boy grinned, “Yeah, I think you are right... Thank you.”

  
He looked back to the sky where there was no cloud to be seen and the stars were shining bright that night. It was a bit cold, but it didn’t matter anymore. Both boys were safe and warm under their blanket. Todd’s eyes were closing, even though he tried not to fall asleep, he did.


End file.
